Neurologist

Dumplin is rather delayed.  He is over two years old, yet he isn't walking or talking.  He barely stands. He does follow familiar commands and uses the signs he knows appropriately.

We were referred to a neurologist.

You never know if you're going to like a new doctor.  Their manner.  Their staff.  Their office.

We were rather pleased today.

It was a different kind of office than we've ever visited.  It's where a collection of various doctors with different specialties share space.  What a concept!  Let's say you need a cardiologist, but what they see means you need a neurologist, or vice versa.  They can see you in the same space.  Genius.

The office is under construction;  this clinic is taking over the building of another major clinic that relocated.  It was a little loud with construction sounds, but the actual space we were in was very clean.  The staff was all very nice.  So pleased.

Dumplin was seen by one of the newest neurologists in town.  She was very nice.  I think she did a thorough exam for our first meeting.  It's clear that Dumplin is a little bit of a mystery.  There are no outward physical signs of what's going on with him....as in, he doesn't have Downs or something that has a 'look'...nor does he have any muscle tone issues that are reflected in cerebral palsy kiddos.

Whatever is going on is in his genes or his brain.

The doctor ordered a new MRI, along with blood work.  "A five month old brain is a lot different than a two year old brain.  Let's get new pictures."  As for the blood work, they'll look for genetic reasons and confirm or rule out any disorders.

We are hoping they find something.  Finding something will allow us to know how to treat him. 

We are scheduled to have these things done in June.   Until then, we'll keep on truckin.

Not denied

Well. I told you I was clueless.

Parole was granted. 

Apparently, it takes 30-50 days to be released. 

I've texted mom's dad to tell him that I had just heard of parole being granted and to ask if he had heard from her. He told me about the 30-50 days, and that she could be released this week. 

Parole

There was to be a parole hearing for mom on the ninth.

I've yet to hear from anyone telling me she was granted parole.

And I haven't heard from her either.

My guess is that she was denied....and I must say, I was thinking it should be denied.  After all, she got into some kind of trouble causing the loss of her visitations.  Why should you be allowed parole if you couldn't keep your nose clean for nine months?

I don't know.

I am most clueless regarding "the system."

All I know is that it's been quiet.

We may not see her until April......

Waiting...

The court date scheduled for February 18th didn't happen.

Grr.

Postponed.

I was REALLY upset about this....then I found out why.  Dumplin's attorney had to leave the country for a trafficking case in Panama.  I believe that trumps our TPR hearing, definitely.

While I'm not excited that we have to drag this out further, I can completely understand the importance of such a case.  Trafficking is awful.  And those words don't adequately describe it.

So we wait.  

We're now scheduled for April 28th.

Restricted

Birth mom was allowed a monthly "child-friendly" visit.

WAS.

That's how we saw her in November and December.

When I thought the January visit should be near, I asked the caseworker to check on it.  She called me back and said, "It WOULD be this Monday, but she's done something to have her visitation restricted."

Oh.

So we won't visit in January.

Court.

I really am still behind on this blog, but I just can't NOT share where we are in the journey. 

We have a court date coming up on February 18th.  At this hearing, the judge will approve or disapprove of terminating Mom's parental rights. Bittersweet, y'all. 

If approved, we will have a 30-day waiting period before we can file an intent to adopt. Within that window, Mom can appeal. She has said to me, "I can't win," therefore, I really have no idea whether or not she will try. As a mom, I can't imagine not trying, but I just don't know. 

I have had to visit with her several times. She has said things like: 

- I don't want him to call me Mom; you're the one earning that title. 

- I want to surrender, but it's hard. (I imagine so.)

- If I'm ever messing up again, don't let me see him. 

I have also met with her dad. He seems to completely approve of her not getting Dumplin back....and us adopting him.  He really seems comforted when I say that I have no intentions of cutting him out of Dumplin's life.  I have no reason to....but I did mention to him that I hope he doesn't hate me if, at some point, I have to distance us from Mom. He said, "Sometimes, I'd like to distance myself."  What a tough a spot he's in. Sad. 

I hate the waiting, but Dumplin is worth waiting for.  

Hard

I had to take Dumplin to see his mother.  In a facility.

I didn't want to.  I was required to.

I got him up early and got him fed.

We arrived at the facility early and had to wait on the caseworker to arrive before we were allowed in.

When we finally got inside, we were put into a room.  For about 2 minutes.  Then someone came and escorted us to another room.  A breakroom.  Not a formal visitation room.

I couldn't allow Dumplin out of my lap.  Crawling on this dirty floor isn't my idea of good parenting, so I held him.

It was 45 minutes before his mom came in.  She was thrilled to see him...and she wanted to hold him right away.

Hard = He didn't want anything to do with her.  I can't imagine.

She forced smooches on him.  She tried to get him to calm down and sit with her.  He was bucking and fussing.  She finally said, "I don't want to give him back, but I don't want him to be like this either."  She handed him back to me.  I won't say he settled down completely, but he was better.  At this point, he had been awake longer than normal and not allowed to get down to explore.  He wasn't in the best of moods.

We talked with the caseworker all the while.

We discussed the TPR (termination of parental rights) situation.  Mom asked, "When this part is done, will I ever get him back?"  The answer is no.  TPR is final.  Once it's done, we can adopt him.  I told her that we'd keep him in a minute.  She started to weep.  I continued on, saying,  he won't be bounced around.  He'll be with us permanently.

Hard =  Watching her realize that her choices have brought us here...and she's losing her son.

The conversation with the caseworker was partly a recollection of events from May.  Mom was to attend a crucial, decision-making meeting.  She didn't show up.  Other things happened, and in the end, she made a choice.  That choice brought us here.  That choice drove the caseworker to file the TPR.  That choice gave us all an idea of mom's priorities.  The priority wasn't her son.

Hard =  Mom asking if this would be the last time she'd see her son.

I told her that I wouldn't do that to her.  The caseworker spoke up and said, 'Mrs. has always said she'd work with you.  Even when you were set to get him back, Mrs. said she'd support you and help you with him.  Do you remember that?  Mom said she did. 

I started to weep.  I looked her in her eyes and told her that none of this is what I wanted for her.  I had cheered for her, supported her.  I had taken her son to see her every Sunday afternoon thinking it would be the encouragement she needed to make it where she needed to be.  She said she knew this.  I pulled it together and said, "Now is the time where we all need to focus on him.  What's best for him.  He has been with us for nearly 18 months...he's home.  We love him.  He's well cared for."  She said she agreed that he's in a good place.   I believe she even uttered the words, "I know he belongs with you."

I told her we could work out visitation as long as she is healthy.  She accepted that...and then she added, "If I'm ever messing up again, don't let me see him."

Hard =  Knowing that someone's past pattern of behavior limits their thinking.  She can't seem to fathom a life where there is no relapse.  I desire for her to be healthy. 

That is the only way she will be a part of Dumplin's life.

God has given us the opportunity to pick up the pieces she has broken.  It will be our job to protect him.

You can believe we will do our best.

There will be more visits.

Hard = Taking a baby to a facility.  Taking a baby to visit a person he doesn't know.  Taking a baby to visit a person who won't get to be his mom again.   Please tell me the point of this...

I seriously feel as if the state is making me wave this baby in front of her face for no reason.  If she can't have him, won't this just make it worse for her?

Until TPR is final, I will be required to see her twice a month.

Tonight is visit number two for November.

There are many things I'd like to say....praying that God will give me the right words....if the time is right.