Court.

I really am still behind on this blog, but I just can't NOT share where we are in the journey. 

We have a court date coming up on February 18th.  At this hearing, the judge will approve or disapprove of terminating Mom's parental rights. Bittersweet, y'all. 

If approved, we will have a 30-day waiting period before we can file an intent to adopt. Within that window, Mom can appeal. She has said to me, "I can't win," therefore, I really have no idea whether or not she will try. As a mom, I can't imagine not trying, but I just don't know. 

I have had to visit with her several times. She has said things like: 

- I don't want him to call me Mom; you're the one earning that title. 

- I want to surrender, but it's hard. (I imagine so.)

- If I'm ever messing up again, don't let me see him. 

I have also met with her dad. He seems to completely approve of her not getting Dumplin back....and us adopting him.  He really seems comforted when I say that I have no intentions of cutting him out of Dumplin's life.  I have no reason to....but I did mention to him that I hope he doesn't hate me if, at some point, I have to distance us from Mom. He said, "Sometimes, I'd like to distance myself."  What a tough a spot he's in. Sad. 

I hate the waiting, but Dumplin is worth waiting for.  

Hard

I had to take Dumplin to see his mother.  In a facility.

I didn't want to.  I was required to.

I got him up early and got him fed.

We arrived at the facility early and had to wait on the caseworker to arrive before we were allowed in.

When we finally got inside, we were put into a room.  For about 2 minutes.  Then someone came and escorted us to another room.  A breakroom.  Not a formal visitation room.

I couldn't allow Dumplin out of my lap.  Crawling on this dirty floor isn't my idea of good parenting, so I held him.

It was 45 minutes before his mom came in.  She was thrilled to see him...and she wanted to hold him right away.

Hard = He didn't want anything to do with her.  I can't imagine.

She forced smooches on him.  She tried to get him to calm down and sit with her.  He was bucking and fussing.  She finally said, "I don't want to give him back, but I don't want him to be like this either."  She handed him back to me.  I won't say he settled down completely, but he was better.  At this point, he had been awake longer than normal and not allowed to get down to explore.  He wasn't in the best of moods.

We talked with the caseworker all the while.

We discussed the TPR (termination of parental rights) situation.  Mom asked, "When this part is done, will I ever get him back?"  The answer is no.  TPR is final.  Once it's done, we can adopt him.  I told her that we'd keep him in a minute.  She started to weep.  I continued on, saying,  he won't be bounced around.  He'll be with us permanently.

Hard =  Watching her realize that her choices have brought us here...and she's losing her son.

The conversation with the caseworker was partly a recollection of events from May.  Mom was to attend a crucial, decision-making meeting.  She didn't show up.  Other things happened, and in the end, she made a choice.  That choice brought us here.  That choice drove the caseworker to file the TPR.  That choice gave us all an idea of mom's priorities.  The priority wasn't her son.

Hard =  Mom asking if this would be the last time she'd see her son.

I told her that I wouldn't do that to her.  The caseworker spoke up and said, 'Mrs. has always said she'd work with you.  Even when you were set to get him back, Mrs. said she'd support you and help you with him.  Do you remember that?  Mom said she did. 

I started to weep.  I looked her in her eyes and told her that none of this is what I wanted for her.  I had cheered for her, supported her.  I had taken her son to see her every Sunday afternoon thinking it would be the encouragement she needed to make it where she needed to be.  She said she knew this.  I pulled it together and said, "Now is the time where we all need to focus on him.  What's best for him.  He has been with us for nearly 18 months...he's home.  We love him.  He's well cared for."  She said she agreed that he's in a good place.   I believe she even uttered the words, "I know he belongs with you."

I told her we could work out visitation as long as she is healthy.  She accepted that...and then she added, "If I'm ever messing up again, don't let me see him."

Hard =  Knowing that someone's past pattern of behavior limits their thinking.  She can't seem to fathom a life where there is no relapse.  I desire for her to be healthy. 

That is the only way she will be a part of Dumplin's life.

God has given us the opportunity to pick up the pieces she has broken.  It will be our job to protect him.

You can believe we will do our best.

There will be more visits.

Hard = Taking a baby to a facility.  Taking a baby to visit a person he doesn't know.  Taking a baby to visit a person who won't get to be his mom again.   Please tell me the point of this...

I seriously feel as if the state is making me wave this baby in front of her face for no reason.  If she can't have him, won't this just make it worse for her?

Until TPR is final, I will be required to see her twice a month.

Tonight is visit number two for November.

There are many things I'd like to say....praying that God will give me the right words....if the time is right.

Speech

Nearly two months ago, "services" sent a therapist to see Dumplin and evaluate his speech/communication skills.

He has almost no skills. 

He grunts. He cries. He gets frustrated when we aren't giving him what he wants. 

We just don't always know what he's after.  It's frustrating for us also. 

We managed to teach him the sign language for more.  He doesn't use it consistently.

We taught him the sign for eat, as well, but he's never initiated a meal using this sign. Maybe he doesn't understand hunger and therefore he doesn't know that's what he should sign. 

He doesn't use any words purposefully. He babbles dada, nana, gaga and mama....but these aren't intentional uses to identify anything or anyone.  I told the therapist these things. 

She evaluated him and he scored rather low for his age. She calculated that he's in the 9-10 month old skill range.  It makes me sad for him...but it's not as if I didn't already know this.  

We've been waiting for the service coordinator to come out and officially add speech to Dumplin's therapy plan. This finally happened last Wednesday.  

Today I received a call from the therapist saying that she had gotten the approval to set up sessions with us.

She starts next Tuesday. 

I can't wait to see how Dumplin progresses 

PS

Yes, I realize that I ruined the idea of anonymity when I posted on Facebook and invited you here...YOU may know me as the author, but there will be no references to our real names here.

The purpose is to keep anyone from being able to search our names and find our business....yet I'll still be able to share appropriate information with friends and family.  

Several of you have messaged me with the kindest comments...you bless my heart. 

Thanks for caring enough to read. 

Catching up....

I think I've only posted about having this blog once.  And that was forever ago.

I had always intended to use it as a journal for every placement we have....but since getting a placement, well, I've been very busy being back in babyland, along with the dozens of other hats I wear.

Please be patient as I go back and add posts from a long, long time ago.  This post will stay 'at the top' since I'm back-dating posts...so be sure the scroll beyond this one to look for anything 'new.'

I haven't thought of our 'character names' just yet....feel free to leave suggestions! :)

Thanks for your interest and support.


****Forgive grammatical/spelling errors.  I write my way....which may or may not always be proper.

Vision

Dumplin has come so far...

When we first got him, he couldn't fix/focus on anything.  He wasn't tracking.  His poor little eyes would float off to the side and twitch...sometimes disappearing.

Early on, we felt that he responded to light, though.  He would turn toward a window or the tv.  Then, we thought we were noticing that he'd 'stare' at bold patterns.  The curtains in his room are a funky fabric with geometric shapes.  He seemed to stare at them.  He also seemed to get fixed on a few very large photographs in the living room.

We would tell the ophthalmologist these things, but there wasn't much response.  Several assistants there would take turns coming into the room, flash some blinking toys at Dumplin, and walk out.  Oh how I hated their lack of 'bedside manner.'

The very first time we knew for sure that Dumplin could see, to some extent, was once as he sat in an exer-saucer.  Our little dog ran past him....and his head followed.  Talk about excited!!!  We began to notice him following things, but there was a lag between his head turning and his eyes following.  Maybe it'll just take some time....

In May, the doctor dilated his eyes and said that he's farsighted.  She said we needed to patch one eye each day for an hour, then do the same the next day with the opposite eye.   We tried to do this some....but, admittedly, we weren't consistent, nor was Dumplin the most compliant.

We had a follow up appointment last week.  The same doctor, and crew, did the same things...making me the same amount of angry.  In the end, the dr said, "I see a little change," and that we should keep doing what we were doing.   Nope.  I'm done here.

Our thought was that she'd already diagnosed him as farsighted...why not deal with that?  We've seen babies far younger than Dumplin wearing glasses.  I came home from that appointment and looked up another doctor who I'd heard great things about.  We had that appointment yesterday.

The new doctor's office was night and day different than the last one.  LOVED it.  The doctor was nice and did a much better job of explaining his thoughts on Dumplin.  He agreed with the farsightedness diagnosis and prescribed glasses.  We left there happy.  Maybe THIS will make a difference for Dumplin!

I was able to find a doctor's office, that day, who would accept Dumplin's insurance and order his glasses.  Can't wait to see how this changes things!