Court.

I really am still behind on this blog, but I just can't NOT share where we are in the journey. 

We have a court date coming up on February 18th.  At this hearing, the judge will approve or disapprove of terminating Mom's parental rights. Bittersweet, y'all. 

If approved, we will have a 30-day waiting period before we can file an intent to adopt. Within that window, Mom can appeal. She has said to me, "I can't win," therefore, I really have no idea whether or not she will try. As a mom, I can't imagine not trying, but I just don't know. 

I have had to visit with her several times. She has said things like: 

- I don't want him to call me Mom; you're the one earning that title. 

- I want to surrender, but it's hard. (I imagine so.)

- If I'm ever messing up again, don't let me see him. 

I have also met with her dad. He seems to completely approve of her not getting Dumplin back....and us adopting him.  He really seems comforted when I say that I have no intentions of cutting him out of Dumplin's life.  I have no reason to....but I did mention to him that I hope he doesn't hate me if, at some point, I have to distance us from Mom. He said, "Sometimes, I'd like to distance myself."  What a tough a spot he's in. Sad. 

I hate the waiting, but Dumplin is worth waiting for.  

Timing

My brain likes to think about the timing of things.

What was I doing the year xyz came out?

OR

When did I meet so and so?

You can remember such things based on the other circumstances at the time. 
Where you were working.  What you were driving.  What song was popular.

So I was trying to figure out what was going on when *Dumplin was born.

He was born on a Tuesday in January of this year.

On a Tuesday, my big kids, let's call them Dude and Darlin, would've had school during the day, a music lesson in the afternoon at one nearby church and group music lessons at a different church that evening.  Tuesday afternoons are a busy for us.

It's also about the time we would take our second or third PATH class.  

That Friday was hubs' day off so we had appointments to go have our fingerprints done for our file.  (We took pictures of each other being printed, and the lady doing them was super sweet to explain the computer imaging process to Dude and Darlin.)

Then, I'm thinking about the time that went by between Dumplin's birth and him coming into foster care.  He was with his birth family until sometime in March.  The details are fuzzy, but it's a mess.  I believe he came into care toward the end of the month and placed with his first foster family.  Meanwhile, we were doing our classes, and everything else we needed to do, to become licensed.

The first family was caring for him the entire time we were waiting for our homestudy to be completed and approved.  One week after receiving our approval, that family decided to disrupt the placement.  They met with DCS and handed him over, along with his belongings, even though they were supposed to give notice and allow DCS time to find another family.  Dumplin spent all day in a DCS office with one of his parents.  The parent was called in simply to watch Dumplin while DCS made phone calls.  It had been a long day for a baby.  In an office.  Without a bed.

***I do not like the fact that they disrupted the placement...at all...but I did not walk in their shoes.  The reasons they disrupted aren't clear to me.  I heard, "It took too long to feed him" as the major reason, which I have an opinion about but I'll get to that later. His health/vision issues could've been a huge factor, but I just don't know if I agree with 'quitting' on a foster baby so quickly.  It seemed like a convenience thing.  You signed up for foster care....what will be convenient about it?   Maybe I"m wrong, but they only had Dumplin for about 2.5 months.***

I believe God used that family as a bridge to us.  (That helps me get over the disruption mess.)

Even if I don't like the disruption, I have to believe that God wanted to place this child with us for a reason.  God always knows what's coming next....He will equip our family to deal with it.

6:00pm

On the way to meet the caseworker, I believe we inhaled some sort of fast food.  It's a blur, really.

We got to Walmart a little early and went in to look for that crib that the other store didn't have.  It had also dawned on me that we didn't have diapers, bottles, burb cloths, etc.  Fortunately, the caseworker called and we were able to ask if he was coming with any of those items.  He was.  I did pick up a few things.  While we were loading up the car, the caseworker called again to say she was there, sitting in the car, feeding the baby.

We got in the car, drove around the lot to find her car and parked when we saw her.

Here we are.  In a Walmart parking lot.  Meeting a lady we'd never met.  Who didn't ask us for ID.

And we got a baby. At Walmart.  She handed me this tiny almost-five-month old boy.  Smitten.

I spoke to the caseworker a bit.  She tried to give me details about what the baby had been through that day and a little about what he was like.

He came with a tub full of clothes, blankets, diapers, 2 bottles, formula, a diaper bag and a car seat. We transferred everything to our car and the caseworker left. 

We have a baby...

- Bald
- TINY, wearing a 3m outfit

- Sporting a double chin and mini-leg rolls



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Did I mention it was crazy hair day at VBS? 

I'm so glad my hair was normal....but our son looked like this....

I tried explaining this to the caseworker....

Licensed

After the classes.

After the home study. 

After the background checks. 

After the fingerprinting. 

After the reference checks. 

We finally received our approval and we're now official, licensed foster parents as of May 26, 2014. 

PATH classes

The first steps toward foster care adoption are: 1) complete a resource parent application. 2) sign up for and complete PATH training. (PATH = Parents as Tender Healers)

These classes are meant to teach you about the foster care system.  The purpose, the whys and hows, and the wide spectrum of needs within the system. It can be scary to hear some of this information. In fact, one couple at the very first class never came back. :-/

Here are the required classes (and when we took them):

12/21/2013 - Orientation
1/4/2014 - Understanding the Child Welfare System
1/11/2014 - Effective Discipline
1/14/2014 - Impact of Trauma
2/1/2014 - Cultural Awareness and Panel of Experts
2/11/2014 - Medication Administration
2/15/2014 - CPR & First Aid

As I mentioned above, the information can be scary.  It's awful to hear reasons why some children are brought into foster care.  It truly made me watch the news in a whole new way.  I mean, each time there was a story of a mother or father in a mess, I would think, well, someone just got a call for their children. 

We didn't grow up in a fabulous part of town.  It was a low income area with lots of crime.  We were exposed to 'crazy' while we were growing up.  Hubs and I agree that this was to our advantage.  We weren't completely shocked by the information we were learning in these classes.  That couple who quit?  They were from the 'good' side of the tracks.

Something you have to decide when thinking about foster care is whether or not you will be able to support reunification with the birth family.  After all, that is the goal of Child Services.  To reunite the child with blood relatives, if at all possible.  Will it be the BEST thing for the child?  Not always.  But it's family.  If they will be safe and provided for, the state will place them back with blood every time.  Will it be easy?  Nope. More on that later.

We thoroughly enjoyed our PATH classes.  Our instructor was wonderful.  We became friends with another couple in the class.  We were all sad when the classes ended and we wouldn't be seeing each other weekly.  We were sharing a journey.  Thank goodness for phones. :)
 

Do Something

There's a super song out by Matthew West right now called Do Something.

This song reflects how I feel.  We should all be doing SOMETHING.   

In my previous post, I mentioned that God uses people. We are here to be used.  For HIS glory.  That looks different for everyone. We can't all DO the same things...,who would do the other things? 

Are we only doing things within our homes?  Our churches?  What about all of God's creation outside of those places?  We are ALL called to be salt and light....what does that look like for you? 

I realize that foster care/adoption isn't going to be done by everyone....but some of us, ahem, are just stubborn to the will of the Father.  Some of us can't open our homes. Some of us wouldn't fathom it. (By the way, every reservation I previously had was fueled by selfishness.) But whether you would do it yourself or not, you CAN choose to be supportive of those who do. 

You can raid your attic for baby/child items you no longer need. 

You can keep your eyes open for good deals on such items and share the info. 

You can ask what needs might be. 

You can take a "support person" class so that you can be called upon to provide care if an emergency arises....or just offer childcare for the parents to have an evening out. 

You can love on the children. (Many of them don't know what real love looks like.)

You can care. 

You can pray. 

Be obedient to what God tells you to do....but Do something. 

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Enjoy the song here:

http://youtu.be/b_RjndG0IX8

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Let's start at the very beginning....

After all, it's a very good place to start!
(Maybe I should first say that I'm a very cheesy/dorky blogger....I amuse myself...so be prepared.)

A little over four years ago, Hubs came home from a men's conference and said, "Hey....I think we'll adopt someday." 

<insert utter shock here>

I did not handle this declaration well.  We already have two kids.  We have one of each gender.  One is in private school and the other is going as well.  How will we afford more kids in private school...and we JUST bought this house?

He followed up by saying, "SOMEDAY.  I didn't say tomorrow."

And so, I calmed down, a little, and went about my business.  This was 2009.

It came up occasionally...mostly in thought.  Thoughts would come to me like, Why DID God bless us with this great house?  What IF God changed hubs' career to better support more children?

Relationships were formed and strengthened...the stories would be long, but I firmly believe that He places particular people in our lives for our growth.  God uses people, no?

In April of 2011, the Lord broke down a huge wall in my heart.  I began to realize my calling to homeschool our children.  Oh how I proclaimed that I would NEVER homeschool.  God had other plans. 

We watched our friends in another state become licensed for foster care/adoption.  We supported them in their calling.  It was THEIR calling.  That's so wonderful, I thought.  Little did I know that God would use them to prepare my heart.

Hubs and I didn't talk about it a lot.  We supported those friends...but we just weren't there yet.

Enter December 2013.  I had been doing a Bible study in Esther.  Esther had the fate of her people, the Jews, resting on her actions/faith. Several times throughout her story, she did things that the king could've had her punished/banished/killed for doing....she decided to trust the Lord.  Esther put her people before herself.  She was always safe; given high honor and favor from the king, so he ultimately trusted his queen.  This saved her people.  Esther took action.  Esther took a leap of faith.  Esther trusted.

<pondering>

Hubs came to me...he said he'd been praying for God to show him where we stand on the issue of adoption.  He said, "I keep hearing, Stop waiting."  I told him that I agreed.  Through what I had been studying, what he was 'hearing' was what I was 'hearing.'  Take action.  Take a leap of faith.  Trust God.

Were we really...FINALLY....on the same page????   YES!

We do not know anyone locally who has walked the foster care/adoption road recently.  That part is a little discouraging.  Who could we bug with questions?  Our friends are in another state....would things work the same here?  For about a week, we looked for the steps we needed to take and what path we wanted to follow.  We looked over several websites.  We decided we would go through the state...not a private agency.  We separately made phone calls looking for guidance.  This challenge ended when Hubs finally reached someone who gave us the first step:  Sign up for PATH (Parents As Tender Healers) classes.   On a Tuesday, we reviewed the schedule of class offerings and found that a new session began that Saturday...or else we'd have to wait for another month.  Well, let's just get started!

Childcare (on short notice) was worked out and we were able to start classes.   We went to class with our minds set on taking in a sibling set of two, with adoption as the end result.  As the classes progressed, we both felt a softening toward doing foster care.  What!??!  Where did that come from?!?!  We didn't think that was our thing!

Will it be easy?  When you compare it to what our Savior did for us on the cross....yes.  When you compare it to the children who can't be with their bio families for whatever reason...yes.  With regards to following the norm, raising only our bio kids, keeping our routines and our plans...no.  Are we called to stay comfortable?

Our Pastor's sermon this past Sunday was written for me.  There were several points within the message that struck me...hard...and yet, made my heart smile.
  
What does Jesus want?
   -   Applause or Action?
   -  Image or intentionality?
   -  Lip service or life service?
   -  Do we embrace or emulate?
   -  Your hands or your heart?  (both!)
   *God is looking for surrendered hearts moved to action.*

In Sunday School on the very same Sunday, there were points made regarding how everyone has a mission, determined by God, and the example was Jesus.  Everything that happened before His birth was no accident.  It all worked together to bring Him here.  While He was here, He had a mission.  And even though He knew what the mission entailed, He fulfilled it.

What Jesus did to adopt us wasn't easy.  Why, then, would He do it?  Who would sign up for something hard?  Obedience.  He obeyed His Father.  God showed us sacrificial love by sending His son to die for us.  If we are to be like Christ, why should we expect easy?  Why should we keep all that He has blessed us with to ourselves?  What blessings are we missing with the 'our four and no more' mentality?

Only the Lord knows what this journey looks like for us.  We are not ruling out adoption...only increasing our availability for foster care.  He knows what children need us....and what children we need.  We expect to not only BE a blessing....but to be blessed.  We want to be obedient.  We want to make ourselves available to be used for His glory.  He's been working on us for years...I dare say, He's worked very hard.  Had He not blessed our marriage....had He not allowed us to buy this house...had He not led us to homeschooling...had He not orchestrated our relationships....would we keep making excuses to ignore Him?

Loving beyond ourselves...that's what we're trying to do.