Mom

Mom has been in one facility and has moved to a new one now.  She can now have weekly visits.  In order for us to be able to take Dumplin to see her, we had to attend an orientation at the facility.  We got the Dos and Don'ts.  Overall, duh.  We can't slip her money, cigarettes, alcohol, weapons, or drugs.  We had to sign off on the policies and provide our driver's license for ID.

______________________________________________
Hold on, let's talk about the anonymity of foster parents.

Apparently, in this state, there is none.

From that first visit with Dad, we had to sign in at the building where we were visiting.  A sticker with our names was printed and we wore it on our shirt.  This gave Dad our whole names.

Fast forward to this orientation....Mom had family come to the orientation as well.  We had to sign in with our full name.  They stepped up and signed right after us.  Guess what?  Now they have our full names. 

I have a friend who has fostered in another state and their identity was protected the entire time.  Even in court, they used just their first name or maybe added their last initial, but they were never addressed by their full names in front of the birth family.

I suppose this lack of concern was surprising to me....but it's done now.  And Google will be on their side.
______________________________________________

Orientation was supposed to be just orientation....but for some strange reason, they allowed Mom to come out and meet me with Dumplin.  Awkward at first.  I have this woman's baby.   She hadn't known who had her baby since the first foster family gave him up and she said she had been worried about him.  Mom said she was glad to meet me.  She held him the entire time, which was fine, until he was fussy.  Then, I had a hard time not coaching her.  Honestly, it had been a while since they had seen each other....who knows whether or not he knew that was Mom.  So sad to me.  I can't imagine.

Mom was nice.  Seemed grateful that Dumplin was obviously being properly cared for.  He fell asleep on her before the end of the visit.  They told us our time was up and, after goodbyes, she handed me her son and we headed out.  The next 'official' visitation would be the next Sunday.

I am only required to give her four hours of visitation per month.  This facility allows weekly 2-hour visits.  I wasn't sure if I would go each week, but quickly decided I would.  I would desire that greatly if the tables were turned - y'all, I really am trying to think of how I would feel in her situation.  Does she deserve this grace??  Nope.  But do any of us deserve grace? 

We will drive two cars to church each week so Dumplin and I can go straight from church to the facility, of course, on the opposite side of the city.  

I will miss my Sunday afternoon down time....

Unexpected

When I took Dumplin for his six month check up, I stepped off the elevator with my big kids and turned toward the doctor's office.  From behind me I heard, "Mrs. XYZ?"  I turned to see a tiny, older lady walking toward me.  She introduced herself as Dad's grandmother, Dumplin's great grandmother. Behind her was another older lady with a walker.  That's her mom.  Dumplin's great great grandmother.  Wow.  Dad lives with these two ladies.

Oh my goodness, wait.  How did they know I'd be here today??  Turns out, I had mentioned this appointment to Dad when I saw him at the MRI appointment.  Evidently, he went home and wrote it on the calendar.  Well....Dad is now is a facility so he couldn't come.  Granny was there to find out how Dumplin was doing and see what the doctor had to say about him.  She is a really sweet woman.  She thanked me for caring for Dumplin...and even shed some tears over the entire mess.  We visited in the waiting room for a bit after the appointment.  They both held Dumplin for as long as he would allow (not long).  Both were very happy to see him, after all, he had been living with them, too, before he came into care. 

Sad how the actions of Dumplin's parents have affected his extended family.

Feedings

Have I mentioned that I nursed both of my bio kids and this whole formula/bottle thing is foreign to me???  Thank goodness the directions are on the can!

Speaking of cans.  Cans of formula are not cheap!  I saved us a LOT of money by being a buffet...just sayin'. 

As a 'state child,' Dumplin automatically qualifies for state assistance in the form of WIC.  His voucher covers ten cans of formula per month.  This is not enough for a month of feedings.  Another reason I am so thankful that his doctor gave us four cans at our visit.

Dumplin takes a six ounce bottle every three hours.

His first foster mom noted in paperwork that it was taking him nearly an hour to take his bottle.

We never found this to be true, maybe 25-30 minutes, but I did wonder what might have been the issue.  I decided to check the bottles she sent with him.  I noticed that the nipples were marked with a '0' (zero)....meaning, newborn.  This baby is five months old, why is he drinking from newborn nipples??  I went to the store to see about different sizes and decided to buy size 2 nipples for a 6 month old.

Here's where my brain went...
1.  It took him so long to eat because he could barely get anything out of the too-small nipples, he'd get frustrated, or tired, and quit.
2.  While working so hard to drink from the too-small nipples, he was burning calories he needed to grow...he was tiny.
3. Let's up the nipples and see if it helps.

My theory may or may not have been exactly right, but what happened?
1.  He took his bottles in about 15 minutes.
2.  He started gaining weight. 

We went back to the doctor today for Dumplin's official six month check up and shots.  He now weighs 15lbs 2 oz (up 1lb 10oz) and has grown 1/2" in three weeks.

I'd say feedings are going well.  ;-)

MRI

We got Dumplin's MRI day done.

Ugh.

He couldn't have formula after 3am since his appointment was at 11am.  I think this may be the only time in all my baby days that I woke a sleeping baby to feed them.  We wanted him to have that 'last meal.'  After this, he could only have clear liquids up until 8am.  By waking him around 3am to feed, he slept until nearly 9am.  We packed a bottle for later in the day....I couldn't wait to feed him again.  Poor baby.

Ugh.

Dad DID show up.  He was a little late, but he found us in the correct waiting room when we were first waiting to be called back.  Since Dad isn't "paternity test positive" dad, he wasn't able to sign consent for the MRI.  The hospital actually had to get in contact with Mom where she was to get her consent.  (Y'all, such new territory for us.  We aren't supposed to sign ANYTHING that would make us the responsible party in such matters.  I basically have to write "DCS" in most spaces.  Pretty strange doing things for a child who isn't your own....)

When they called us back to the 'triage' type area, Dad wasn't allowed to go with us.  Again, him not being "official dad" meant that he had no rights.  Dumplin is legally in our care...Dad has no say.
 
Dumplin was a very drowsy all morning.  He mostly slept while we held him.  He didn't get really fussy while we were waiting his turn....until about 12:15, then he was OVER. IT.  Nothing would comfort him.  While he was super mad, they came in to start an IV in his arm.  Didn't matter much since he was already upset.  As he started to calm down and drift off to sleep, they came and got him for the procedure.  We kissed him and left the waiting area.

We went back to where we had left Dad and told him we were going to the cafeteria to find some lunch.  He came with us, but he didn't eat, even though we tried to buy him food.  He gave my husband his phone number in case we moved from there, then he stepped out for a smoke break.

We finished lunch and headed back down to wait for Dumplin.  Dad told us he had to go to work so he left.  A nurse came to get us about 20 minutes later and led us to the baby.  Dumplin looked sweet and pitiful at the same time.  They kept him hooked to the IV but allowed me to pick him up.  Once we were holding him again, he began to awaken.  It was so good to kiss his sweet face after this kind of day.  It wasn't long before he let us know that he was ready for a bottle. 

The nurse said that our doctor should receive the MRI results by the afternoon.   She released us and I couldn't get that baby home quickly enough.

Sweet baby.  That's what I call him. :)

***It was Friday and I didn't expect to hear anything.   I was pleasantly surprised when I received a call from the doctor at about 5:30pm!!  He said there was NO evidence of trauma.  His brain looked good.  Dumplin had evidently not been shaken or beaten...and there was no damage from the seizures he supposedly had at two months of age.   Praising God for this news!!  And kudos to a doctor who didn't make us wait all weekend to hear this news!

Now, we have to wait for the next ophthalmology appointment.  What's going on with this baby's vision?

Father's Day

When we got Dumplin, we knew the other 'characters' in the story were bio mom, bio dad and maternal bio grandpa. The only thing we knew about any of them:  Mom wasn't where she could ask for visits.  Dad was 'dad' but hadn't had a paternity test.

Just before Father's Day, Dumplin's caseworker, Dee, called me to see if we'd be willing to meet bio dad for a visit.  Apparently he had told her that he understood that asking for a visit ON Father's Day wouldn't be fair to my husband, so he was wondering about the day after.  We thought that was kind and agreed to the visit.

I printed off a few pictures of Dumplin to give Dad.  I also framed an "I love you, Dad" on which I had stamped Dumplin's feet.  In our certification classes, we had discussed that recognizing holidays for the bio parents could be a warm gesture....so Dad would get a little Father's day gift.

Husband and I took Dumplin to the visit together....we needed to both meet bio dad.  It had been about two weeks since he had seen Dumplin.  He spent the day with him in the DCS office the day the first foster family dropped him off.   From then, Dad didn't know who had Dumplin.  I can't imagine.

We updated Dad about the doctor visit we had had and informed him about the upcoming MRI, giving him the time and location.  It was actually only three days away.

Dad seemed nice.  He was able to comfort Dumplin when we was fussy, so that was nice.  Although, it was quite hard to not step in and offer assistance, I let dad deal with him.  I think it made him feel good that he could comfort him.  We gave him the little gifts and he seemed to really appreciate them.

We stayed about two hours.  Lots of small talk.  Got a few more details about him and Mom....and I decided in my brain that they probably shouldn't be together.

When it was time to leave, we parked in different directions, so we said our goodbyes.

Dad said he'd try to come to the MRI appointment.

We'll see.  

Sleep

Thankfully, this baby only gets up once per night for a feeding.

I'm nearly ten years older than I was when I had my last baby.

I've gotten used to sleeping through the night.

Maybe Dumplin will, too.

More

Let's talk a little more about Dumplin's health.

I previously stated that he was in good condition.  By that, I meant that he had not been abused.  He had no evidence of trauma.  He had been in a foster home, therefore, there was no real concern about how he had been treated recently.

How is he really?

-  At nearly five months old, he was wearing a 0-3 outfit when we picked him up.
-  He sounded very congested all the time.
-  He spit up a LOT after every feeding.  Like, forget the burp cloth and just use a blanket kind of spit up.  Or prepare to change your clothes, his clothes and clean whatever chair you're sitting in.
-  He was a face-down sleeper....literally, he smashed his nose into the bed.
-  He could not hold his head up.  He was chin-to-chest.
-  He could not hold his upper body up....so sitting him up on your lap wasn't happening. 
   (These two things are what the first foster parent meant when she described him as 'limp baby'
-  He has a 'birthmark'
-  He doesn't focus on or track anything with his eyes.  Blind??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I got concerned about all the congestion/spit up so I told his caseworker that I wanted to take him to the doctor.  She sent me a picture of his insurance card and told me what doctor he has been seeing.  Turns out, this doctor has seen him since his birth in the hospital.  I felt that it would probably be beneficial to stick with this doctor since he knew Dumplin's history.  If I liked the dr, we'd keep him.

I got Dumplin to the doctor.  He weighed 13.8lbs and was 23 3/4" long.  We discussed his congestion and spitting up.  The doctor said he has reflux and that, as a reflux baby, he naturally produces more mucus...so that's why he sounds congested all the time.  He said he didn't want to treat Dumplin for the reflux; he doesn't like to 'turn stomach acid off' unless the child appears to have painful reflux.  "Acids are there for a reason, we're gonna let them do their job." 

The 'birthmark' isn't really a birth mark.  It's a Strawberry hemangioma and apparently it wasn't there at birth.  The doctor said it typically develops soon after birth and grows for the first year of life.  It could shrink and fade with age.  Either way, we'll watch it.

The dr also checked Dumplin's eyes.  Sadly, the baby didn't fix and follow on anything.  It's as if he didn't see anything, although at home, we're convinced that he turns towards and stares at light, the tv and the geometric curtains in his room.  The doctor told me that Dumplin had already been taken to an ophthalmologist and that an MRI was scheduled for later this month.  The MRI would let us know if there was an obvious reason for the lack of vision, ie, trauma to the brain, perhaps from seizures or physical abuse.

Doctor:  He's a healthy little guy, but he just can't see a darn thing.

Me:  (nervously, with a look of pity) Ok then.

The doctor gave me several cans of formula, for which I was SUPER grateful.  (I nursed both of my bio kiddos, so I was blown away when I learned how much formula cost and how much I'd be buying.)

In about three weeks, I'll be bringing Dumplin back for his six month check up and shots, yippie.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the doctor visit:  I cried.  And worried.  And cried.

Would this sweet baby really be blind for life?  Would we have him long enough to see what happens?  How would WE raise a blind baby?  Would his parents keep trying to get him back if he's blind?  Would they just sign off and let him go? And then what??!!

Worry and fear are not from the Lord...my wise husband said, "One day at a time.  We just need to love him one day at a time."

Dumplin

Our sweet daughter wrote a poem for Dumplin.

 

I'm happy to have kept it where I could find it.

 

I'm even happier to get it edited in order to share it. 

 

 

Timing

My brain likes to think about the timing of things.

What was I doing the year xyz came out?

OR

When did I meet so and so?

You can remember such things based on the other circumstances at the time. 
Where you were working.  What you were driving.  What song was popular.

So I was trying to figure out what was going on when *Dumplin was born.

He was born on a Tuesday in January of this year.

On a Tuesday, my big kids, let's call them Dude and Darlin, would've had school during the day, a music lesson in the afternoon at one nearby church and group music lessons at a different church that evening.  Tuesday afternoons are a busy for us.

It's also about the time we would take our second or third PATH class.  

That Friday was hubs' day off so we had appointments to go have our fingerprints done for our file.  (We took pictures of each other being printed, and the lady doing them was super sweet to explain the computer imaging process to Dude and Darlin.)

Then, I'm thinking about the time that went by between Dumplin's birth and him coming into foster care.  He was with his birth family until sometime in March.  The details are fuzzy, but it's a mess.  I believe he came into care toward the end of the month and placed with his first foster family.  Meanwhile, we were doing our classes, and everything else we needed to do, to become licensed.

The first family was caring for him the entire time we were waiting for our homestudy to be completed and approved.  One week after receiving our approval, that family decided to disrupt the placement.  They met with DCS and handed him over, along with his belongings, even though they were supposed to give notice and allow DCS time to find another family.  Dumplin spent all day in a DCS office with one of his parents.  The parent was called in simply to watch Dumplin while DCS made phone calls.  It had been a long day for a baby.  In an office.  Without a bed.

***I do not like the fact that they disrupted the placement...at all...but I did not walk in their shoes.  The reasons they disrupted aren't clear to me.  I heard, "It took too long to feed him" as the major reason, which I have an opinion about but I'll get to that later. His health/vision issues could've been a huge factor, but I just don't know if I agree with 'quitting' on a foster baby so quickly.  It seemed like a convenience thing.  You signed up for foster care....what will be convenient about it?   Maybe I"m wrong, but they only had Dumplin for about 2.5 months.***

I believe God used that family as a bridge to us.  (That helps me get over the disruption mess.)

Even if I don't like the disruption, I have to believe that God wanted to place this child with us for a reason.  God always knows what's coming next....He will equip our family to deal with it.

Eight

It has been eight years since we:

- had a baby
- packed a diaper bag
- had a baby spit up on us so much that we needed to change our clothes

Now, packing a diaper bag will include a shirt for myself. 

If you see me in a wrinkled t-shirt, say nothing. 

Or you'll get to hold the puking baby.  :)

Still VBS

VBS day 3....and now I had THREE children to get up and out the door.

I decided that rather than drop the big kids off and run around with the baby, I'd set up camp in the nursery....and I'd hold that baby all day.  After all, we had to get to know each other.

This is where I began to be blown away by the love of Christ shown to our family and this new baby.

Countless friends asked what we needed....and some just showed up with stuff.  We very quickly had all the larger baby items, and tons of small items and clothes.  And bottles.  Remember, he only came with two?  Now I had about twelve!

Blown away.  And grateful.

Learning

This is quite different than bringing home a brand new baby who you've birthed.

The obvious difference is that the one you birth is yours and this one isn't, but beyond that, this baby hasn't been with us since the beginning of his life.  Does he like to be held a certain way?  Does he require an uber quiet environment to sleep?  Does he burp after every ounce or just at the end of the bottle?

One thing we learned very quickly:  He spits up after every feeding.  A LOT. 

Our bio son was a puker.  We tried medications for reflux.  They worked for about two weeks and then he was at it again.   He wasn't in any pain, that we could tell, so it was merely a laundry issue.   Not just his laundry.  MY laundry.

If I remember correctly, Baby only got up for one feeding during the night.  That doesn't mean I slept peacefully.  I still had to get used to baby squeaks and grunts during the night because he slept in the pack n play in our room that night.

We have a baby.....still surreal.

Baby Inspection

We had been told to 'inspect' any children who come into our home and make note of any marks/issues going on with them.

We found what we thought was a birth mark and took pictures for our records.

Baby also came with a rather nasty diaper rash.  :-/  Sweet friends were coming to bring us a mattress for the crib we bought and asked if there was anything else we needed.  Diaper. Rash. Cream.  They graciously picked that up for us.  Poor baby.

Other than those two issues, baby seemed to be in pretty good condition.  Sounds like I 'kicked the tires on a used car' or something. 

Our goal?  Make him less of an object and more like a family member. 

6:00pm

On the way to meet the caseworker, I believe we inhaled some sort of fast food.  It's a blur, really.

We got to Walmart a little early and went in to look for that crib that the other store didn't have.  It had also dawned on me that we didn't have diapers, bottles, burb cloths, etc.  Fortunately, the caseworker called and we were able to ask if he was coming with any of those items.  He was.  I did pick up a few things.  While we were loading up the car, the caseworker called again to say she was there, sitting in the car, feeding the baby.

We got in the car, drove around the lot to find her car and parked when we saw her.

Here we are.  In a Walmart parking lot.  Meeting a lady we'd never met.  Who didn't ask us for ID.

And we got a baby. At Walmart.  She handed me this tiny almost-five-month old boy.  Smitten.

I spoke to the caseworker a bit.  She tried to give me details about what the baby had been through that day and a little about what he was like.

He came with a tub full of clothes, blankets, diapers, 2 bottles, formula, a diaper bag and a car seat. We transferred everything to our car and the caseworker left. 

We have a baby...

- Bald
- TINY, wearing a 3m outfit

- Sporting a double chin and mini-leg rolls



******************************************************

Did I mention it was crazy hair day at VBS? 

I'm so glad my hair was normal....but our son looked like this....

I tried explaining this to the caseworker....

3:22pm

I'm at the music lesson with my children and my phone rings. I didn't recognize the number so I let it go to voicemail since I was IN the lesson.  I notice that whoever called has left a message.  I was just about to check it when my husband called.  I was still in the lesson so I let him go to voicemail, also,  (bad wife) so I could listen to the first voicemail.  It was DCS (Dept of Children Services).  The lady said something about being our worker, whom we hadn't met, but even though we hadn't met, she was calling with a potential placement.  <insert shock>

I stepped out of the lesson and called my husband, who was a little...excited?...as he told me he had just gotten off the phone with a caseworker about a placement.  He began to give me the info he had:

- white, male. 4 months old
- being transferred from another foster family
- has 'limp baby' syndrome
- possibly blind
- foster mom said "it takes too long to feed him"
- can we take him today?

He told the lady that he needed to speak to me before he gave her an answer.

While I'm on the phone with hubs, a similar mystery number called me.  I let hubs go to answer this call. It was a different caseworker.  She gave me the info hubs just ran down for me.  I told her that I needed to speak to my husband before I gave her an answer.

While pacing the halls of the church where the music lessons were held, I called to speak to hubs again.  We wondered, "Could we deal with a blind child?"  "How severe is 'limp baby syndrome?'"  "Why did other foster family disrupt their placement?"

The ultimate question though, "Do we want to take this placement?"

We decided to trust the Lord. 

Hubs called the caseworker back and told her that we could accept the placement.

Talk about butterflies in your stomach.  Oh my word.  We just agreed to take a baby.  Someone else's baby.

The caseworker explained that their process is to call three families.  If they get a 'yes' from all three families, a group of caseworkers reviews all of our files and decides which family might best fit the child.  We were told that we would be called back with a decision.

<Begin freak out>

As soon as the music lesson was over, I told the children that we *might* get a baby in a few hours.  They were excited.  So excited that I had to prepare them for it not happening, lest their hearts be broken.

Hubs and I decided to meet at, where else? Walmart.  If we were getting a baby, we'd need a car seat stat.  We also looked at cribs, even though we had a pack n play.  We were told that DCS prefers a crib....it's more "permanent."

While strolling the aisles and comparing prices, hubs' phone rang.  It was DCS and we had been chosen to get the baby.   (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  His caseworker said she'd meet us to give us custody.  Where did she want to meet?  Where else??  Walmart!  A different Walmart, across town.  In one hour.

We purchased a travel system, but this Walmart didn't have the crib we chose.  Good thing we were headed to another Walmart...

VBS day 2

(I took that funky fabric to my friend today.  Can't wait to have some curtains!!)

Felt so weird dropping off the kids.

It also felt weird to have everyone at church who knows you typically work VBS asking why you're being a slacker not working this year.  Since we've announced that we're going to foster, this has been my reply, "I'm expecting a child."  No really.  It's been fun.

So, VBS this morning, with crazy hair day. Later, our oldest has a music lesson.  I love taking them out in public on crazy hair day!!!  (GLAD I'm not working VBS with crazy hair of my own.  Something always happens before I can calm my hair down, so then I'm in public with crazy hair...and it isn't Halloween.)

Curtains

Here's a fuzzy picture of the fabric that will be curtains.

Just as soon as I get around to asking someone to whip them up.

In our old house, we finished a bonus room upstairs.  The walls were the light blue color and this was the fabric that would've been a futon cover and a curtain for one window.  Those items were never made....and then we moved.  I'm so glad I held onto this fabric!!! There's tan in it, so the tan walls will be perfect.  I plan to paint canvases that mimic the squares.  It's funky and I really think we can consider it gender-neutral. 

**Update:  I asked on Facebook if someone could make four simple panel curtains out of this.  I got a response and I'm taking the fabric to her at VBS tomorrow.  We'll have curtains soon!!

VBS

I have worked VBS at our church *I think* every year since I had our first baby.

I was called back in March and asked to work.  At that point, we hadn't told many people that we were getting licensed to foster.  In fact, we didn't announce it on the mighty Facebook until last week when we received our approval letter.

Anyway, I felt I should decline the commitment this year.  I knew that we could be approved by April or May, because that would be around the six month mark of us starting this process and that's the "ballpark" timeframe for getting licensed.  I have heard story after story about foster parents getting calls very soon after receiving their approval. Like, even THAT day.

I really thought I should keep my calendar clear beginning in May in case our approval came and we quickly got a placement.

VBS starts tomorrow and I'll be dropping my kids off.

Weird.

Preparing

Our license will allow us to take in two children.  Specifically, we had siblings in mind when we decided to take two.   If anything ever happened to require our bio children to enter foster care, heaven forbid, we would want our kiddos to stay together, so that was the motivation behind our decision.  So many siblings sets are split up because foster families can't/won't take more than one child.  Breaks my heart.

We have a bedroom upstairs that has, until now, been a gathering place, really.  There used to be a futon, night stand and armoire....plus a plethora of children's toys/games/books, oh and a foosball table.  This will now be our fosterling's bedroom. 

The walls are tan...and I'm leaving them tan.  It's neutral.  We never know who we'll get.  We thought it'd be easy to buy gender-specific bedding/wall décor when we got a placement.  Either that, or we'd figure out a way to decorate a completely neutral room.

We sold the futon.  We put the foosball table in the attic.  We cleaned the room and set up the twin size bed I grew up on.  I bought a pack n play from a friend, in case we got a baby.  I just had no idea how to really prepare.

The room was essentially ready to go...were we?

The Wait

Once we received our letter of approval, we anxiously awaited the call that we were needed.

I really hadn't had a reason to sleep without my phone being on silent....until this point.  A LOT of calls for children needing a home come in the wee hours of the morning.  There are a multitude of reasons for that, nevertheless, it was time to turn the ringer on 24/7.

I've never gone to bed on pins and needles before.

Just waiting....

Licensed

After the classes.

After the home study. 

After the background checks. 

After the fingerprinting. 

After the reference checks. 

We finally received our approval and we're now official, licensed foster parents as of May 26, 2014. 

Excitement??

From the first time we EVER asked our kids how they would feel about adopting, they were supportive.  In fact, the whole process took far too long to them.  They would ask, "When will we get a kid??" and, "Is it ever going to happen?"  They were excited.

We were excited.  Excited to obey The Lord.  Excited to love on someone who needed it.  Excited to be a light in this dark world.

But this excitement....it's bittersweet.  I had to have a conversation with the big kids.  In order for us to be needed, for any of this to even be necessary, something bad has to happen in the life of a child.  Whether they aren't cared for properly or they've been harmed or they've been discarded....something outside of God's design for a family had to happen.  We shouldn't WANT to be needed.  Follow me?  We should pray that every child everywhere has a wonderful, safe home.  We all know that this is a sinful world, full of sinful people...even us.  So when people are left to make their own choices...there will always be a need for foster care.

And so, with this excitement, anticipation even, we moved forward in the process. Excited that the Lord has set us on this path to love on someone. And...not just the child...

Home Study process

Our home study interviews began at the end of February. The HS writer (an employee of an adoption agency who was contracted to write it - which isn't always the case) came to our house to meet us and look around the house. An initial inspection helped her to know what changes we needed to make around the home and get a lay of the land, so to speak.  She collected paperwork that we had already completed and copied. That was a time-saver!  We were able to flip through the forms and simply give her a copy.  It pays to be organized!!

On her next visit, she checked to see if we had made the changes. (We needed: Safety plugs in out outlets - Fire extinguishers on each level of the home - Carbon monoxide detectors - Locks for the firearms - Double locks for all medications).

Each member of the family was interviewed privately...yes, even the children.  I don't believe anything too personal was asked of them.  They told a little about themselves and they were asked how they felt about us pursuing foster care/adoption (thrilled, btw).  The adult interviews, however, are more personal.  They need to know your history because "skeletons" have a way of surfacing when certain circumstances arise.  For example, if you had been sexually abused as a child and then you take in a child who has also been abused, they need to know whether or not you've dealt with your situation in order to function in a healthy manner around that child....as well as the perpetrator, because yes, you really could meet that person, depending on the situation.  How will you handle it?  CAN you handle it?  So while the process is not the most comfortable, it is necessary.  Your perspective has to be about the safety of any children you will bring into your home.  If the tables were turned, you'd be thankful that the people caring for your child had been thoroughly screened, right?

Our portion of the home study was completed in late March/early April.  At that point, we had to wait on the writer to finish compiling the info into a report to be submitted to the state.  Once the state received it, they called us in to review and sign it.  From there, it was sent to higher state officials for approval.

We signed ours on May 20th.  We received our letter of approval on May 27th.

PATH classes

The first steps toward foster care adoption are: 1) complete a resource parent application. 2) sign up for and complete PATH training. (PATH = Parents as Tender Healers)

These classes are meant to teach you about the foster care system.  The purpose, the whys and hows, and the wide spectrum of needs within the system. It can be scary to hear some of this information. In fact, one couple at the very first class never came back. :-/

Here are the required classes (and when we took them):

12/21/2013 - Orientation
1/4/2014 - Understanding the Child Welfare System
1/11/2014 - Effective Discipline
1/14/2014 - Impact of Trauma
2/1/2014 - Cultural Awareness and Panel of Experts
2/11/2014 - Medication Administration
2/15/2014 - CPR & First Aid

As I mentioned above, the information can be scary.  It's awful to hear reasons why some children are brought into foster care.  It truly made me watch the news in a whole new way.  I mean, each time there was a story of a mother or father in a mess, I would think, well, someone just got a call for their children. 

We didn't grow up in a fabulous part of town.  It was a low income area with lots of crime.  We were exposed to 'crazy' while we were growing up.  Hubs and I agree that this was to our advantage.  We weren't completely shocked by the information we were learning in these classes.  That couple who quit?  They were from the 'good' side of the tracks.

Something you have to decide when thinking about foster care is whether or not you will be able to support reunification with the birth family.  After all, that is the goal of Child Services.  To reunite the child with blood relatives, if at all possible.  Will it be the BEST thing for the child?  Not always.  But it's family.  If they will be safe and provided for, the state will place them back with blood every time.  Will it be easy?  Nope. More on that later.

We thoroughly enjoyed our PATH classes.  Our instructor was wonderful.  We became friends with another couple in the class.  We were all sad when the classes ended and we wouldn't be seeing each other weekly.  We were sharing a journey.  Thank goodness for phones. :)
 

Do Something

There's a super song out by Matthew West right now called Do Something.

This song reflects how I feel.  We should all be doing SOMETHING.   

In my previous post, I mentioned that God uses people. We are here to be used.  For HIS glory.  That looks different for everyone. We can't all DO the same things...,who would do the other things? 

Are we only doing things within our homes?  Our churches?  What about all of God's creation outside of those places?  We are ALL called to be salt and light....what does that look like for you? 

I realize that foster care/adoption isn't going to be done by everyone....but some of us, ahem, are just stubborn to the will of the Father.  Some of us can't open our homes. Some of us wouldn't fathom it. (By the way, every reservation I previously had was fueled by selfishness.) But whether you would do it yourself or not, you CAN choose to be supportive of those who do. 

You can raid your attic for baby/child items you no longer need. 

You can keep your eyes open for good deals on such items and share the info. 

You can ask what needs might be. 

You can take a "support person" class so that you can be called upon to provide care if an emergency arises....or just offer childcare for the parents to have an evening out. 

You can love on the children. (Many of them don't know what real love looks like.)

You can care. 

You can pray. 

Be obedient to what God tells you to do....but Do something. 

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Enjoy the song here:

http://youtu.be/b_RjndG0IX8

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Let's start at the very beginning....

After all, it's a very good place to start!
(Maybe I should first say that I'm a very cheesy/dorky blogger....I amuse myself...so be prepared.)

A little over four years ago, Hubs came home from a men's conference and said, "Hey....I think we'll adopt someday." 

<insert utter shock here>

I did not handle this declaration well.  We already have two kids.  We have one of each gender.  One is in private school and the other is going as well.  How will we afford more kids in private school...and we JUST bought this house?

He followed up by saying, "SOMEDAY.  I didn't say tomorrow."

And so, I calmed down, a little, and went about my business.  This was 2009.

It came up occasionally...mostly in thought.  Thoughts would come to me like, Why DID God bless us with this great house?  What IF God changed hubs' career to better support more children?

Relationships were formed and strengthened...the stories would be long, but I firmly believe that He places particular people in our lives for our growth.  God uses people, no?

In April of 2011, the Lord broke down a huge wall in my heart.  I began to realize my calling to homeschool our children.  Oh how I proclaimed that I would NEVER homeschool.  God had other plans. 

We watched our friends in another state become licensed for foster care/adoption.  We supported them in their calling.  It was THEIR calling.  That's so wonderful, I thought.  Little did I know that God would use them to prepare my heart.

Hubs and I didn't talk about it a lot.  We supported those friends...but we just weren't there yet.

Enter December 2013.  I had been doing a Bible study in Esther.  Esther had the fate of her people, the Jews, resting on her actions/faith. Several times throughout her story, she did things that the king could've had her punished/banished/killed for doing....she decided to trust the Lord.  Esther put her people before herself.  She was always safe; given high honor and favor from the king, so he ultimately trusted his queen.  This saved her people.  Esther took action.  Esther took a leap of faith.  Esther trusted.

<pondering>

Hubs came to me...he said he'd been praying for God to show him where we stand on the issue of adoption.  He said, "I keep hearing, Stop waiting."  I told him that I agreed.  Through what I had been studying, what he was 'hearing' was what I was 'hearing.'  Take action.  Take a leap of faith.  Trust God.

Were we really...FINALLY....on the same page????   YES!

We do not know anyone locally who has walked the foster care/adoption road recently.  That part is a little discouraging.  Who could we bug with questions?  Our friends are in another state....would things work the same here?  For about a week, we looked for the steps we needed to take and what path we wanted to follow.  We looked over several websites.  We decided we would go through the state...not a private agency.  We separately made phone calls looking for guidance.  This challenge ended when Hubs finally reached someone who gave us the first step:  Sign up for PATH (Parents As Tender Healers) classes.   On a Tuesday, we reviewed the schedule of class offerings and found that a new session began that Saturday...or else we'd have to wait for another month.  Well, let's just get started!

Childcare (on short notice) was worked out and we were able to start classes.   We went to class with our minds set on taking in a sibling set of two, with adoption as the end result.  As the classes progressed, we both felt a softening toward doing foster care.  What!??!  Where did that come from?!?!  We didn't think that was our thing!

Will it be easy?  When you compare it to what our Savior did for us on the cross....yes.  When you compare it to the children who can't be with their bio families for whatever reason...yes.  With regards to following the norm, raising only our bio kids, keeping our routines and our plans...no.  Are we called to stay comfortable?

Our Pastor's sermon this past Sunday was written for me.  There were several points within the message that struck me...hard...and yet, made my heart smile.
  
What does Jesus want?
   -   Applause or Action?
   -  Image or intentionality?
   -  Lip service or life service?
   -  Do we embrace or emulate?
   -  Your hands or your heart?  (both!)
   *God is looking for surrendered hearts moved to action.*

In Sunday School on the very same Sunday, there were points made regarding how everyone has a mission, determined by God, and the example was Jesus.  Everything that happened before His birth was no accident.  It all worked together to bring Him here.  While He was here, He had a mission.  And even though He knew what the mission entailed, He fulfilled it.

What Jesus did to adopt us wasn't easy.  Why, then, would He do it?  Who would sign up for something hard?  Obedience.  He obeyed His Father.  God showed us sacrificial love by sending His son to die for us.  If we are to be like Christ, why should we expect easy?  Why should we keep all that He has blessed us with to ourselves?  What blessings are we missing with the 'our four and no more' mentality?

Only the Lord knows what this journey looks like for us.  We are not ruling out adoption...only increasing our availability for foster care.  He knows what children need us....and what children we need.  We expect to not only BE a blessing....but to be blessed.  We want to be obedient.  We want to make ourselves available to be used for His glory.  He's been working on us for years...I dare say, He's worked very hard.  Had He not blessed our marriage....had He not allowed us to buy this house...had He not led us to homeschooling...had He not orchestrated our relationships....would we keep making excuses to ignore Him?

Loving beyond ourselves...that's what we're trying to do.